It’s Super Bowl Sunday possums! You’re probably puzzling as to why I give a shit, and let me tell you, I couldn’t care less who wins this contest. But I do enjoy the sense of occasion Super Bowl brings and I like a good party, so I’m sold. You had me at Turducken.
This year I’m cheering on the Packers. How did I arrive at this decision you ask? I look fantastic in any green hue, so it only made sense. This post is dedicated to gals like me who will sit among a mess of men and fattening food to cheer on a bunch of steroid mongers in spandex. Moreover, this post is geared towards the men. Take it from me fellas, if you have a lot of ladies on your guest list, you’ll want to review the following:
Urban Cowgirl’s Super Bowl Survival List – For Men
- Provide calorie conscious snacks. While I appreciate the culinary skills it takes to pull off Turducken and other Super Bowl delicacies, ensure there is something on the menu that won’t clog an artery.
- Stock up on toilet paper and keep the lavatory relatively clean, i.e. do not leave the seat up and if you miss your target, be sure to clean it up for the next person.
- Do NOT, for any reason mute the half-time show. This is what we live for.
- Ensure there are plenty of places to sit. We don’t appreciate pulling up a piece of carpet for several hours.
- Stock up on wine and cider.
- To facilitate said wine and cider, make sure you have enough wine glasses on hand – no one likes to drink their vino out of a plastic cup, I don’t care if you can write your name on it with a jiffy marker.
- Provide a room or refuge area for girls to take a break from the game. If we’re gossiping or getting into deep discussion around childbirth, you’ll want to ensure we have a place to do this.
- Do not snap at us when we ask stupid questions. Consider yourself lucky that we’re expressing interest in this silly sport. It’s kind of like faking an orgasm, something else you should be thankful for.
- While we appreciate the male bonding that does occur during such an event, this does not permit you to belch, fart or engage in any other unsightly behavior.
- If we borrow one of your jerseys, don’t make fun of us when we tszuj it up with a belt or matching accessories.
Well, that just about covers it. Did you get all that?
Enjoy the game possums. GO PACKERS!!