Last week, a clearly pissed off neighbor of mine plastered this poster up in our lobby. I was shocked to discover that I live among such seriously anal women. Who hasn’t been leered at by some perv at the gym? Is this not the norm? If there’s a hot man hoofin’ it on the treadmill next to me, I’m going to sneak a peek fo shiz. After all, we are hitting the gym to improve our appearances, non? Just the other day Daniel Sedin strolled by with one of his ankle biters and gave me a nod (my gym is a bit of a fish bowl, on a very busy street).
It’s certainly no laughing matter if a woman doesn’t feel secure sweating her booty off at her local gym, but isn’t it safe to say that some people go to the gym merely to pick up? Case in point, the men that live in my building.
I’ve determined that there are tree types of men at the gym: The Cruisers, the Posers and the Gays. Let me break it down for you possums…
The Cruisers – these may be the men this poster is referring to, however I do feel pity for these poor little cardio junkies. You see, Cruisers assume that women will date them simply because they show up to the gym 3 times a week. They’re desperate for attention and will stop at nothing to catch your eye. When I’m on the treadmill, I’m not paying attention to anything other than Gaga blasting in my headphones and the amount of calories I’m burning. I’m not there to chat or make a meaningful connection, I’m there to work it. However, just the other day, I encountered two Cruisers at my gym. The incessant staring was one thing, but when they moved their weight training session directly in front of my machine, I did my best to pretend they weren’t there. I’d turn to look one way, and one of them would walk by to see if I was watching. I’d look in another direction and BAM there they were, up in my grill. There’s no escaping the Cruiser. They are relentless.
The Posers – every gym has a regular rotation of Posers. You know, the guys that manage to spend an entire hour without engaging in any sort of physical activity? I have very regular run-ins with the Posers in my gym, and I swear to god it takes all the restraint I can muster to not confront them and question their intentions. It doesn’t matter how long you sit there and play with your iPhone fellas, rock hard abs aren’t going to magically appear. They flip back and forth between football and hockey on the TV. They saunter around, swinging their arms like they’re about to lunge into some sort of heavy lifting. The only time you see these guys lift weights is when they’re about to hit the town or go to the club. P-O-S-E-R.
The Gays – hooray for the gays! I’m happy to share my gym with gay men because these guys are there to train. They’re there to sculpt their bods and get down to business, not watch TV or play with their phones. And although they do fall under the Cruiser category from time to time, this doesn’t apply to moi so it doesn’t bother me one bit. At least they have purpose! The Gays are also polite and never forget to wipe down the machines after they’ve finished. Fabulous.
I think I’ll make my own poster for the lobby – No Posers in Gym, Bring on the Gays.