Tales from an eternal gypsy who believes anything can happen

No Perverts in Gym

Last week, a clearly pissed off neighbor of mine plastered this poster up in our lobby. I was shocked to discover that I live among such seriously anal women. Who hasn’t been leered at by some perv at the gym? Is this not the norm? If there’s a hot man hoofin’ it on the treadmill next to me, I’m going to sneak a peek fo shiz. After all, we are hitting the gym to improve our appearances, non? Just the other day Daniel Sedin strolled by with one of his ankle biters and gave me a nod (my gym is a bit of a fish bowl, on a very busy street).

It’s certainly no laughing matter if a woman doesn’t feel secure sweating her booty off at her local gym, but isn’t it safe to say that some people go to the gym merely to pick up? Case in point, the men that live in my building.

I’ve determined that there are tree types of men at the gym: The Cruisers, the Posers and the Gays. Let me break it down for you possums…

The Cruisers – these may be the men this poster is referring to, however I do feel pity for these poor little cardio junkies. You see, Cruisers assume that women will date them simply because they show up to the gym 3 times a week. They’re desperate for attention and will stop at nothing to catch your eye. When I’m on the treadmill, I’m not paying attention to anything other than Gaga blasting in my headphones and the amount of calories I’m burning. I’m not there to chat or make a meaningful connection, I’m there to work it. However, just the other day, I encountered two Cruisers at my gym. The incessant staring was one thing, but when they moved their weight training session directly in front of my machine, I did my best to pretend they weren’t there. I’d turn to look one way, and one of them would walk by to see if I was watching. I’d look in another direction and BAM there they were, up in my grill. There’s no escaping the Cruiser. They are relentless.

The Posers – every gym has a regular rotation of Posers. You know, the guys that manage to spend an entire hour without engaging in any sort of physical activity? I have very regular run-ins with the Posers in my gym, and I swear to god it takes all the restraint I can muster to not confront them and question their intentions. It doesn’t matter how long you sit there and play with your iPhone fellas, rock hard abs aren’t going to magically appear. They flip back and forth between football and hockey on the TV. They saunter around, swinging their arms like they’re about to lunge into some sort of heavy lifting. The only time you see these guys lift weights is when they’re about to hit the town or go to the club. P-O-S-E-R.

The Gays – hooray for the gays! I’m happy to share my gym with gay men because these guys are there to train. They’re there to sculpt their bods and get down to business, not watch TV or play with their phones. And although they do fall under the Cruiser category from time to time, this doesn’t apply to moi so it doesn’t bother me one bit. At least they have purpose! The Gays are also polite and never forget to wipe down the machines after they’ve finished. Fabulous.

I think I’ll make my own poster for the lobby – No Posers in Gym, Bring on the Gays.

UC xx

2 Responses to “No Perverts in Gym”

  1. Clark

    You seem to have forgot about married men and or guys who are happy in a relationship who have no interest in women or at least the discipline to focus on their routine rather than stare at the asses in lycra.
    Unless you think all men who don’t stare are gay because you simply can’t get your head around the concept of being ‘true’ or faithful/loyal to a partner?
    Or perhaps it’s just more comfortable for you to make believe that the guys who don’t pay any attention to you must be gay – rather than consider that you just may not be their type?
    BTW, women are very guilty of being cruisers too, although they’re more of a combination between posers and cruisers – and they work in teams just the same, one poses – the other cruises – then they switch and exchange intel. I’m a straight guy and I have to say I find this distracting – not because of they’re shapely bodies or skimpy outfits, but because I can sense they are waiting for me to look at them, and when I don’t, they are starring at me the whole time, probably wondering; is he gay or do I just not look sexy today?
    I used to train in a rusty old-school gym exclusively for men, but not for any other reason than it was a cheap place to go (Arnold himself did a workout there back in the day). Before that I trained at home with good results for years. But it wasn’t until I joined a unisex gym that I realised just how much attention women SEEK from men at gyms. Ok, not all, but many of them do. Even if I wasn’t happy in a relationship, as I am, I still wouldn’t stare at women in the gym, because I wouldn’t want to be off putting or a distraction to their workout. Personally, however, when people stare at me in the gym, young women or envious men, I block it out completely. People say training at the gym is more motivating than training at home, the reason is simple – people are watching you train – and you feel you must push yourself a little harder, if you can’t handle that eyes-on-you pressure, then stick to training at home, simple.

  2. george

    I agree. Im male and attend local gym for fitness,one thing I dont do is enter the bathroom.Only in an emergency, i’ll leave sweaty and smelly.. You wouldnt believe what some wierdos do in them places.I’m no homophobe but lurking at me or making unwanted advances; think perverted, to me would end up in a fight.Its best that I dont go in places like that.Once some woman asked if I can call her husband out of the sauna, I agreed, but,when i opened the door it was like a orgy….Please if your gay be gay, dont end up lowering yourself to perverted acts.AIDS STD’s etc


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